Mid-life crisis

I sit weary by the window, at my office cabin, trying hard to sail through the tides of the thoughtful ocean. It’s been a while since I picked myself up with total energy and lived the best life. I always thought money was a way out of everything. But staring at the busy street where so many lively shadows hurry to their workplace, I question myself, am I the only one trapped in this inexplicable sadness? Where did I make the wrong choice again? Because I believe whatever situation I am in today is all the result of choices I made in my life journey. It’s not that I suddenly bumped into this, no, I made this choice for myself and the choice doesn’t make me happy anymore. But the scary part is what if I decide to quit and that turns out to be the worst choice? What if I never become able to make the right choices? Why am I so indecisive? How did I miss out on life? I don’t know…

I will soon turn 30, yes, in a few years. My current professional choice makes me desperately unhappy and it’s not the only part of life that I need to figure out. Almost all parts of my life are unsorted. I see friends, they seem to have already found their northern starts. They know what they want in their life, whom they want to get married to, how many children they want, everything….It keeps me wondering how come they figure it out so easily and why is it always so hard for me to make choices. Why is my life so much undecided?

It’s a big crisis one can feel. I want to look into positive things happening in life but this eternal sadness of indecisiveness overshadows everything. I keep staring lifelessly outside the window trying to understand life but might be some people can never sort out things and die unsorted. Maybe I am one of them.

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